This Is Supposed to Be a Children's Story
A new episode of the TSB podcast is now live. Our guest: Kerry Madden-Lunsford
Hello, TSB pod people. Our latest episode is one we decided to take some more time on, and I hope that when you listen to it, you'll understand why. It's with essayist and children's book author Kerry Madden-Lunsford.
A couple of years ago, Kerry contacted me to share an op-ed she'd written for the L.A. Times about her son, the actor Flannery Lunsford, who is one of the tens of thousands living unhoused in Los Angeles.
It was a disturbing look inside a system that constantly fails people and the frustrations of a family unable to care for their grown son due to his refusal to take medication for his schizoaffective disorder and accept treatment for his drug addiction. He's been jailed several times, and, in the past, they'd attempted to temporarily take him in after his release as he awaits treatment elsewhere. Solutions that began hopeful but would inevitably end with danger and despair for everyone involved.
"His release took 24 hours to process. He walked home from Twin Towers to Echo Park in the rain. For several days, we cooked dinners, attended a film festival, made lunches with the Hollywood Food Coalition, reconnected with family, and he played the piano.
Then it started. I spent 15 hours trying to get him to stop harming himself as he "removed" nonexistent mites from his face with bug spray, avocados, soup, chocolate, hydrogen peroxide, shaving cream, candle wax and turmeric.
I sent texts, photos and videos to his public defender to keep her informed of his mental state. With the help of the county Psychiatric Mobile Response Team, our son was placed on an emergency psych hold. A week later, the hospital released him with bus fare to Inglewood. We'd asked for a longer emergency hold, the better to get his meds and his life regulated.
We got nowhere.
Our family is by no means unique. We're part of an untreated, unaddressed epidemic.
When our son is not using, he is still psychotic, and his delusions are poetic and cinematic. He is convinced that Germans invented time travel. He can summon the year 1890 with broken headphones, which allow him to hear the old trolley cars in L.A. He's fixated on local history, old Hollywood and baseball: Jean Harlow, Mayor Tom Bradley, Bob Gibson. When he was arrested on the bench warrant in October, he carried only a baseball and glove."
After reading it, I realized something that didn't sit well with me—I never once imagined that the dozens of unhoused people I encounter daily living in L.A. are someone's children. I'm pretty sure that belief took hold probably a minute after our first child was born because when they're so chubby and smiling, how is it possible to imagine anything so perfect and joyful becoming such a source of heartache?
Last year, Kerry wrote another essay about Flannery on her Substack called "Recalculating," about her and her husband's most recent trip to visit him. It's a first-hand tour of what it's like to embed with her son for a few hours in the unique world he's a part of.
He then befriends another man, a man with one eye from Atlanta, and then our son insists we give this gentleman a ride to the place that offers resources to the unhoused. Our boy won't get in the car unless we give his newfound friend a ride. It's only a few blocks away, but the man gets in and sits in the backseat smoking a joint, asking us, "How far is it?"
I assure him it's not far as we drive along Griffith Park Boulevard near Marshall High School, the old carpool route. We've been encouraging our son to get services at a church nearby, a lifeline, a tether, a something.
When we arrive, I watch our son and the one-eyed man from Atlanta walk toward the tables. I hear our boy tell the man, "This church is where they have Al-Anon meetings. They call people' qualifiers.' I'm their 'qualifier.'" He points to us. "It's somebody who makes a family crazy with drinking and drugging. Total bullshit. Al-Anon tears families apart, brainwashing them."
Then he asks the guy, "Who's your qualifier?"
"Don't got one."
Our son says, "Me neither."
I know the term "shattered" is a little overused as a descriptor, but that's precisely the word that popped into my head after I read it. The thought was followed by a question—how do I become less shattered about this? How does anyone?
*****
We tried to cover a lot of ground here—Al-Anon, parenting, the housing crisis in Los Angeles, guilt—but we obviously couldn't. We tried to tell this story as best we could, thanks in no small part to a major lift from our producer, Julian Weller.
Reminder: The TSB Podcast is independent and self-funded. If you enjoy our work, we'd love your financial support. Anyone who donates $5 or more will get a special thank-you shoutout on the next episode, which will air in two weeks. Also, if you dig the episode, subscribe to our feed and review our show to help us spread the word about it.
Our next episode, with writer Claire Dederer, will air sometime in the next two weeks. Thanks again for all your support.
A POEM ON THE WAY OUT:
A Dark Thing Inside the Day
by Linda Gregg
****************************
So many want to be lifted by song and dancing,
and this morning it is easy to understand.
I write in the sound of chirping birds hidden
in the almond trees, the almonds still green
and thriving in the foliage. Up the street,
a man is hammering to make a new house as doves
continue their cooing forever. Bees humming
and high above that a brilliant clear sky.
The roses are blooming and I smell the sweetness.
Everything desirable is here already in abundance.
And the sea. The dark thing is hardly visible
in the leaves, under the sheen. We sleep easily.
So I bring no sad stories to warn the heart.
All the flowers are adult this year. The good
world gives and the white doves praise all of it.
— “All Of It Singing: New and Collected Poems”
ALL ILLUSTRATIONS BY EDITH ZIMMERMAN
On reading this, I can only think “been there, done that!”
My son, Patrick, was a lot like her son right down to the homelessness and the imaginary bugs burrowed in his skin. We sought help from local authorities and doctors to no avail. The letter below is just one of the many that I wrote desperately seeking help that was not forthcoming. In the case of that incident, the counselor as well as the nursing staff thought that Patrick needed long term psychiatric care but the doctor overrode their concerns. Parents often know best but are ignored by the powers that be, listen to them!
R.I.P. - Patrick, know that we tried!
Doctor Oduwole, June 3, 2021
You just had my son, Patrick, discharged from Sea Coast Hospital. Your recommendation was for rehab, specifically BCRC.
My son has mental illness co-morbid with substance abuse. He had a psychotic break a couple of days ago and is desperately in need of observation and evaluation.
You, of all people, should know that as he was discharged from Bryan hospital 2 years ago and court ordered to see you or another psychiatrist upon leaving. He saw you, to my great regret!
Anyone with even a cursory knowledge of substance abuse co-morbid with mental health issues knows that the likelihood of succeeding at staying clean and sober is virtually nil if mental health isn’t dealt with first or simultaneously.
What you have done, despite his parents’ and other hospital personnel concerns, is condemn him to walk the streets until he is arrested or has another psychotic break, thanks for nothing!
I hope you are happy with yourself, the hospital put him in a cab to New Directions. On the way, he had the cab drop him at his mother’s workplace where he banged on the door until his mother came out. He immediately began the harassment and, a little later, he entered our home uninvited.
You spent all of 5 minutes with Patrick (I’m being generous, Patrick said it was only 2 minutes) and we have spent years with him. You discounted our concerns as well as those observing him at the hospital. You don’t seem to care about anything but the payments you receive.
I know about that from personal experience as well. I was referred to you years ago and you refused to see me because I was on disability. Amazingly, after I turned 65, your office called me to come in. I guess Medicare is a guaranteed payment.
If I had to describe you, charlatan is a bit harsh since in the past you were a good doctor who actually helped a lot of people but I would say you've become greedy and uncaring.
Andy Devlin