Trying to Figure Out Who I Am (Again)
Trying to Figure Out Who I Am (Again)
Just to check in...with Edith Zimmerman.
The Small Bow is funded entirely out of the pockets of paying subscribers. We don’t take advertisements or sponsorships. We use your money to help pay for all our freelancers and Edith’s illustrations. Our newsletter is for people who have substance misuse issues or struggle with mental health, but our stories have a far greater reach than that. TSB is for the unlucky and the unlovable—all the things.
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JUST TO CHECK IN …
And how are you?
Our September Check-Ins run next Tuesday—so we need your help. Tell us what’s up with your recovery—share your triumphs, setbacks, or wherever you are. Wanna help?
The perfect length is 150-300 words.
Here's a GREAT example of what we're looking for.
After years of back and forth, I made a decision last month and told my partner I wanted a divorce. I don't know what I expected, but it was not this: Massive, heavy sadness. Lots of tears every time I try to speak about it. I feel bad for my husband because every time we discuss it, I'm sniffling and choked up and sometimes can't even talk because I'm trying to swallow my sobs. He stands there, about a broom's distance away, quietly waiting for me to collect myself. I'M THE ONE WHO WANTED THIS. What the actual fuck is going on? Sometimes, I think these feelings may be a sign that I'm making a mistake. So I go back through the mental list of ways our puzzle pieces have grown so they no longer fit comfortably together. I rationally know this is not fixable. Neither of us is willing to shave off parts of ourselves to fit back together again. And so. I'm choosing grief today in the hope of happiness somewhere down the line. As a recovering addict, this seems like a ridiculous thing to choose. I want happiness now, pain later. But, I wasn't getting happiness now. And even scarier is that there is no guarantee taking the pain now means happiness later. So I have to have a little faith that everything will be OK at some point, try to feel the feelings, and not numb out with food or TikTok.
EMAIL ME HERE: ajd@thesmallbow.com subject SEPTEMBER CHECK-IN
It will be published NEXT TUESDAY.
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This is The Small Bow newsletter. It is mainly written and edited by A.J. Daulerio. And Edith Zimmerman always illustrates it. We send it out every Tuesday and Friday.
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ZOOM MEETING SCHEDULE
Monday: 5:30 p.m. PT/8:30 ET
Wednesday: 10 a.m. PT/1 p.m. ET
Thursday: 10 a.m. PT/1 p.m. ET (Women and non-binary meeting.)
Friday: 10 a.m. PT/1 p.m. ET
Saturday: Mental Health Focus (Peer support for bipolar/anxiety/depression) 9:30 a.m. PT/12:30 p.m. ET
Sunday: (Mental Health and Sobriety Support Group.) 1:00 p.m PT/4 p.m. ET
*****
If you don't feel comfortable calling yourself an "alcoholic," that's fine. If you have issues with sex, food, drugs, codependency, love, loneliness, and/or depression, come on in. Newcomers are especially welcome.
FORMAT: CROSSTALK, TOPIC MEETING
We're there for an hour, sometimes more. We'd love to have you.
Meeting ID: 874 2568 6609
PASSWORD TO ZOOM: nickfoles
Need more info?: ajd@thesmallbow.com
Blessing
by Irene Blair Honeycutt
**************************************
May time grant you the lasting memory of the summer night
on Jonas Ridge when we were walking the dogs, late—
the white rail fence, our guide.
When we turned back toward the cabin, darkness pressed
against our faces
and a host of fireflies flashed in the mist
settling on the fields,
blinking green from another realm,
lighting the divide between road and weeds.
The dogs looked up.
Frenzied katydids took a rest.
Following the tiny globes, we felt our way
to the gravel hill that sloped
toward the yellow glow
of lamplight from the cabin windows.
— from Beneath the Bamboo Sky (via Poetry Town)
ALL ILLUSTRATIONS BY EDITH ZIMMERMAN
Edith, your update hit me hard/just right... as a writer, I too am always trying to create that perfect thing that makes a perfect amount of money and says everything I want to say... perfectly. Maybe we'll never get there, exactly, but that's OK. We'll get close enough.
I love your work. I especially liked when you revealed the various illustrative approaches you first pitched to A.J. - I'm so glad you chose the one you did! It's perfect.
So good to hear from Edith and see her wonderful comics again! I miss "Drawing Links," but also understand how one's priorities can shift after having kids. <3