..."after they politely waved at me, I half-nodded but acted like I was preoccupied with inspecting the space for asbestos." hahahahahaha.
Me at every party that I'm not catering or walking around with a tray of shrimp hoping I don't have to be "at a party". Another great read and such a poignant sting, that memory of summer being over and the dread/excitement of reinvention and judgement at school "this year"...
I still think August sucks but for different reasons.
Thank you so much! My internal monologue when I'm in a roomful of more than three strangers is totally insane. I basically take on an alien form and need clues from more experienced earthlings on how to act.
Yeah, to recap the first day I'd say maybe 10-15% of the parents there could qualify as "weirder" than me but it's an LA school so it's probably higher than that. I'm mostly stuck on right now: what my pick-up/drop-off uniform should be everyday. Need The Strategist or something.
I absolutely dread interacting with other parents at school events — it bothers me far more than any other sort of social interaction that I have to summon up energy for
In 2019 I attended a start-of-the-year ice-cream social with a t-shirt that reads IF YOU TALK TO ME I WILL SCREAM, I SWEAR TO GOD; it was kind of inadvertent and it completely backfired
Jim, thank you for making me feel less bad. The Welcome Back assembly happened last Friday and there was a coffee mixer with the parents beforehand that I just totally blew right past them, pretending I had an urgent call from the White House.
I don't typically comment but this essay got me good. I felt it in my bones. My kids are starting at a private school this year - the same school I attended at their age, with many children of my former classmates. I find myself feeling like I did back then - like I don't fit in. At the time, I felt that way because my mom was an active alcoholic and as such, wasn't doing things like bringing coffee to the teachers or spending her free time volunteering in the library. Present-day-me feels that way because now I am the (recovering) addict. Feels like I have the scarlet "A" branded on my forehead. I drive home hitting my fist against my head sometimes because I fear I made an off- color joke or that my big personality is just "too much" for this small, Catholic school. I wish I had a Marty to talk me off the ledge. Years of re-parenting and re-training my brain hasn't made the feelings of inadequacy disappear completely. Thankfully, we get more chances to keep trying. Thanks for the writing, AJ.
well thank you for this. That's what I get so frustrated by in theses situations--shouldn't I be over this shit by now? I thought I'd be much more secure at this stage of my life especially when it comes these pretty basic adult interactions. (I mean, honestly, I had a great high school experience and could pretty much hang with anyone no problem so this is a total regression.) But yeah i still have no clue how I plan to handle the rest of the year but I do need a game plan.
The book says “our lives had become unmanageable.” I’ve searched & searched but no where in the damn tome does it say it will restore me to manageability...sanity, (whatever that is) but not manageability...I search but do not find. So I guess I have to accept what I can’t change, no matter how hard I try.
A thing that has helped me, when I’ve been able to make myself do it, is to volunteer somehow with the school, either in my kids’ classroom or with the PTA or for an event or something. It gives me something to do so I have an excuse not to try idle chit-chat at events (“sorry, busy making popcorn!”) and also is kind of a forcing function for some interactions that makes me feel less awkward because I am “official” in some way
Private schools and public ones both usually need a lot of parent volunteer help. It sounded dreadful to me (still does) but it has really helped me a ton. It also made genuine parent friends for us that I *dont* dread interacting with
My trick is to ask people questions about themselves. People love to talk about themselves. If they ask me something about me I answer quickly and then ask them another question about them. Once in a while the other person is somewhat interesting!
..."after they politely waved at me, I half-nodded but acted like I was preoccupied with inspecting the space for asbestos." hahahahahaha.
Me at every party that I'm not catering or walking around with a tray of shrimp hoping I don't have to be "at a party". Another great read and such a poignant sting, that memory of summer being over and the dread/excitement of reinvention and judgement at school "this year"...
I still think August sucks but for different reasons.
Wonderfully written.
Thank you so much! My internal monologue when I'm in a roomful of more than three strangers is totally insane. I basically take on an alien form and need clues from more experienced earthlings on how to act.
I tell myself "everyone here is weirder than you" over and over. That's...pretty weird of me, though.
Yeah, to recap the first day I'd say maybe 10-15% of the parents there could qualify as "weirder" than me but it's an LA school so it's probably higher than that. I'm mostly stuck on right now: what my pick-up/drop-off uniform should be everyday. Need The Strategist or something.
I absolutely dread interacting with other parents at school events — it bothers me far more than any other sort of social interaction that I have to summon up energy for
In 2019 I attended a start-of-the-year ice-cream social with a t-shirt that reads IF YOU TALK TO ME I WILL SCREAM, I SWEAR TO GOD; it was kind of inadvertent and it completely backfired
Jim, thank you for making me feel less bad. The Welcome Back assembly happened last Friday and there was a coffee mixer with the parents beforehand that I just totally blew right past them, pretending I had an urgent call from the White House.
Anyway, great shirt.
I don't typically comment but this essay got me good. I felt it in my bones. My kids are starting at a private school this year - the same school I attended at their age, with many children of my former classmates. I find myself feeling like I did back then - like I don't fit in. At the time, I felt that way because my mom was an active alcoholic and as such, wasn't doing things like bringing coffee to the teachers or spending her free time volunteering in the library. Present-day-me feels that way because now I am the (recovering) addict. Feels like I have the scarlet "A" branded on my forehead. I drive home hitting my fist against my head sometimes because I fear I made an off- color joke or that my big personality is just "too much" for this small, Catholic school. I wish I had a Marty to talk me off the ledge. Years of re-parenting and re-training my brain hasn't made the feelings of inadequacy disappear completely. Thankfully, we get more chances to keep trying. Thanks for the writing, AJ.
well thank you for this. That's what I get so frustrated by in theses situations--shouldn't I be over this shit by now? I thought I'd be much more secure at this stage of my life especially when it comes these pretty basic adult interactions. (I mean, honestly, I had a great high school experience and could pretty much hang with anyone no problem so this is a total regression.) But yeah i still have no clue how I plan to handle the rest of the year but I do need a game plan.
The book says “our lives had become unmanageable.” I’ve searched & searched but no where in the damn tome does it say it will restore me to manageability...sanity, (whatever that is) but not manageability...I search but do not find. So I guess I have to accept what I can’t change, no matter how hard I try.
A thing that has helped me, when I’ve been able to make myself do it, is to volunteer somehow with the school, either in my kids’ classroom or with the PTA or for an event or something. It gives me something to do so I have an excuse not to try idle chit-chat at events (“sorry, busy making popcorn!”) and also is kind of a forcing function for some interactions that makes me feel less awkward because I am “official” in some way
Private schools and public ones both usually need a lot of parent volunteer help. It sounded dreadful to me (still does) but it has really helped me a ton. It also made genuine parent friends for us that I *dont* dread interacting with
My trick is to ask people questions about themselves. People love to talk about themselves. If they ask me something about me I answer quickly and then ask them another question about them. Once in a while the other person is somewhat interesting!