Us Alive, Right Here, Feeling Lucky
Gratitude roundup 2024.
Hi. Good morning. Today is a short post.
Thanks to everyone for reading and subscribing to The Small Bow in 2024. We are nothing but scattered words on a newsletter platform without the people (in and out of recovery) who financially support us on Substack and through our other channels.
2025 will bring many changes to The Small Bow and I'm very excited that you'll be there to watch us try new things, screw up, succeed, then screw up even more. We want to reach thousands of more people who may be looking for a place like this to help them get through difficult and disorienting moments.
Special thanks to The Small Bow Family Orchestra, the anonymous heroes who helped us completely kill the Check-Ins this year. Your stories are meaningful to so many, especially the genuinely grimy, heartbreaking ones because those tend to reverberate the loudest. But we like your happy moments, too. We need those.
Here's a reminder that we're collecting our submissions for our January Check-Ins. If you'd like to participate, we'd love to have you.
Our first 2025 Check-In runs on Tuesday, January 7th — so we need your help. Tell us what's up with your recovery post-holiday. Tell us about this year. Or next. The good, the great, the awful, the insane. We want it all.
Help us help you help everyone.
The perfect length is 150-300 words.
Here's a GREAT example of two we ran last year.
"As a self-proclaimed procrastinator (procrastination is a symptom of my fear), I want to prolong any new year intention setting until the actual lunar new year (1st full moon in February), stay in pjs, drink sugary drinks, eat donuts, and throw myself a new year's pity party for 1. However, since you inquired, my 2024 mantra will be "I will not abandon myself." What will this look like, you ask? Healthy, kind, clear boundary setting in all versions of me. One of my favorite New Year quotes to retrieve from the ole' Facebook archives is, "Hope stands on the threshold of the upcoming year and whispers, it will be happier."
"It's been a really huge and stressful year. I moved across the world. My anxiety has been terrible, and trying to make it better with medication has unfortunately not panned out. I'm feeling pretty off all the time, but trying to do the things that make me feel better and not lose hope. I feel very grateful to be closer to my friends and even my family. My own substance use has been pretty good this year, with fewer hangovers and regrets. However, in the last few months, my husband, who is already in recovery from one drug, has had issues with another drug, which is extremely terrifying to me and is hurting our relationship. The last time he was in addiction, it blew up my life. I hope next year will be a year of stability and healing for all of us."
EMAIL US HERE: tsbcheckins@thesmallbow.com SUBJECT: 2025 CHECK-IN
It will be published on TUESDAY, January 7th.
Anyone who contributes gets a FREE month of TSB's Sunday edition.
*****
Next week’s schedule: On Tuesday, Dec. 31st, we run our annual “It’s Okay If You’re Not Ready (Remix)” essay, and then we will drop a special pod episode featuring the audio version on January 1st. Friday will be an archived post about the Adult Children of Alcoholics program.
Today is another abbreviated Sunday round-up featuring two of my favorite poems I read this year and the 2024 TSB thank-you honor roll, containing the names of people who helped me and/or The Small Bow this year. (If I forgot to include you, please forgive me. Please also accept my apologies if you did not want to be included.)
Usually, Sundays are part of the paid subscriber experience (here's a good example of what these typically look like), but today's is free. And in 2025, our prices will increase slightly, so if you'd like to lock in the $8 per month rate, today's the last day to do so. But if you’re not in a position to pay for a subscription this year, email me, and I’ll hook you up. — AJD
A POEM ON THE WAY IN:
“Cheap Motels of My Youth”
by George Bilgere
They lay somewhere between
the Sleeping In The Car era
and my current and probably final era,
the Best Western or Courtyard Marriott era.
The Wigwam. Log Cabin. Kozy Komfort
Hiway House. Star Lite. The Lazy A.
Just off the interstate, the roar
of the sixteen-wheelers all night long.
The dented tin door opening to the parking lot,
the broken coke machine muttering to itself.
“Color TV.” “Free HBO.” “Hang Yourself
in Our Spacious Closets.” A job interview
at some lost-in-the-middle-of-nowhere
branch campus of some agricultural college
devoted to the research and development
of the soybean and related by-products.
Five-course teaching load, four of them
Remedial Comp. Candidate
must demonstrate familiarity
with the basic tenets of Christian faith.
Chance of getting the job
one in a hundred. Lip-sticked
cigarette butt under the bed.
Toilet seat with its paper band,
“Sanitized for Your Protection,”
dead roach floating in the bowl.
As the free HBO
flickers in the background,
you stare in the cracked mirror
at a face too young, too full of hope
to deserve this. And you wait
for the Courtyard Marriott era to arrive.
— “Rattle”
More with George Bilgere:
ALL ILLUSTRATIONS BY EDITH ZIMMERMAN
TSB GRATITUDE LIST 2024:
Erin
Claire C.
Kerry Madden-Lunsford
Trey S.
Erin Khar
Kristin
DB
Sari Botton
Michael Weetman
Sasha Frere-Jones
Dom Cosentino
PJ Vogt
Sruthi Pinnamaneni
Dave Manheim
William F. Leitch
Megan Koester
Claudia Lonow
Lindsey Adler
Lilly Sullivan
Steve Kandell
Nell Lawson
Greg Kestenbaum
Max Read
Jennifer Romolini
Kevin Koczwara
Mary R.
Molly F.
Molly M.
Stu V.A.
James T.
Julia J.
Clare M.
Betsy G-G
Brian
Rebecca M.
Brett B.
John R.
Erin
JC C.
Emily Gould
Miranda P.
Alex Pappademas
Emma Carmichael
Greg Grisolano
Chris Crowley
Holly Whitaker
Eva Hagberg
Josh Radnor
Jen Ciraulo
Danielle Tcholakian
Kevin Teare
Rory W.
Clancy Martin
Mary H.K. Choi
Heather Havrilesky
Lockhart Steele
Talia Lavin
Hamilton Nolan
Lena D.
Joe Schrank
Sydney Lea
Maria Bustillos
Peaceful John
Cameron Dye
Nick Catucci
Mark Graham
Raphie Cantor
Eddie McGinty
Davey U Look Great
Albin Sikora
James Frey
Joel Johnson
Kirk K.
Ben Gaffaney
Anna Shults Held
Bill Jensen
J Wortham
Claire Zulkey
Casey Johnston
Josh S.
Jeremy L.
Chauncey.
Luke O’Neil
Dave Holmes
Mark Lotto
Alex W.
Tom Scocca
Lacey Donohue
Adam Pash
Jim Cooke
Garrett Kamps
Jordan Ginsberg
Doug Pepper
Brett Dykes
Kate Conger
Meredith K.
Ana Marie Cox
Wilson Sims
Henry Giardina
Nick Tangborn
Marty Nislick
Barbara M.
Phil Pavel
Devin F.
Lauren Taback
Kari Ferrell
Evan Turco
Pam Pantages
Jesse Kaplan
Sam Biddle
Gabby Bluestone
Jenn Sterger
Sam R.
Jerry O.
Erin Hosier
Swamp Dogg
Moog Star
Julian Weller
The Garozzo Family
The Day Family
Lindsay Hoffman
TSB Donors
TSB Readers
TSB Members
TSB Meeting-Makers
The Small Bow Family Orchestra
Biggest Love
Julieanne Smolinski
Col
Mom
Ozzy
Iverson
Levon
Nesta
Pizza
Edith Zimmerman
*****
RIP
TOTAL SOBRIETY RATING FOR THE YEAR: 5/5
A POEM ON THE WAY OUT:
The Conditional
by Ada Limón
*********
Say tomorrow doesn’t come.
Say the moon becomes an icy pit.
Say the sweet-gum tree is petrified.
Say the sun’s a foul black tire fire.
Say the owl’s eyes are pinpricks.
Say the raccoon’s a hot tar stain.
Say the shirt’s plastic ditch-litter.
Say the kitchen’s a cow’s corpse.
Say we never get to see it: bright
future, stuck like a bum star, never
coming close, never dazzling.
Say we never meet her. Never him.
Say we spend our last moments staring
at each other, hands knotted together,
clutching the dog, watching the sky burn.
Say, It doesn’t matter. Say, That would be
enough. Say you’d still want this: us alive,
right here, feeling lucky.
— “From Poets.org ”
ALL ILLUSTRATIONS BY EDITH ZIMMERMAN
Thank you for all you’ve given me this year. 🙏🏻
Thankful for you, truly AJ and that against the odds so many of us old internet weirdos are still hanging in there and having a few yuks and being weirdos